Collecting articles and insights on marriage, with the Baha'i Writings in mind.

Blog List

Nov 25, 2014

Bahá'u'lláh says God has created all the good things in the world for us to enjoy and partake

  • “We are not ascetics in any sense of the word. On the contrary, Bahá'u'lláh says God has created all the good things in the world for us to enjoy and partake...."
Let's talk about sex...
  • But we must not become attached to them and put them before the spiritual things.
  • Chastity in the strict sense means not to have sexual intercourse, or sexual intimacies, before marriage.
  • In the general sense it means not to be licentious (Promiscuous and unprincipled in sexual matters).
  • This does not mean we Bahá'ís believe sexual relations to be impure or wrong. On the contrary they are natural and should be considered one of God's many blessings. ...
  • Sex is a very individual matter, some people are more passionate by nature than others, and might consequently suffer more if forced to be continent.
  • But when the world becomes more spiritual there will not be such an exaggerated emphasis on sex, as there is today, and consequently it will be easier for young people to be chaste and control their passions. A man of noble character and strong willpower, could certainly remain faithful to his wife during a long absence!” (Shoghi Effendi, The Light of Divine Guidance v II, 69).
Ok, so we know that we are naturally interested in sex - biologically and onward. And we know where the proper use is:
  • The proper use of the sex instinct is the natural right of every individual, and it is precisely for this very purpose that the institution of marriage has been established. The Bahá'ís do not believe in the suppression of the sex impulse but in its regulation and control.    (From a letter dated 5 September 1938 written on behalf of Shoghi Effendi to an individual believer, A Chaste and Holy Life, no. 30)
But how do we learn about it? How do we talk about it? How do we understand ourselves and bodies?

I like this article because it comes from a young woman, age 23, who was clearly nervous to have the public conversation on her blog, but she felt it was time to talk openly and respectively and 'sustainably' about sex. Without the weirdness. I think she succeeded. And the comments from others shed additional light on knowing yourself, your body, and how our actions impact society and nature. She doesn't mention having sex within marriage at this time, but she does openly, respectfully talk about sex in relation to her commitment to living a respectfully environmentally sustainable life
I especially like a comments about fertility awareness among young people, even before entering into marriage and of course using while married. I feel like this effort allows women and men to know their bodies, their biochemical makeups and cycles, their biological urges and energies better in order to "regulate and control" the sex instinct as well as understand themselves so much better and use that understanding for better relationships with God, themselves, family and friends.  I learned that one can purchase a ladycomp or other fertility monitor or use an app or just use a thermometer and notebook - and monitor your cycles, becoming attuned to when you are ovulating, when you are fertile, and not. When your hormones create certain unpleasant feelings (physical, mental, etc.) or pleasant ones.  You can use this information to talk with your MD/DO/ND etc. to figure out diet/exercise/meditation/prayer/vitamins, etc to help balance things, also to let others around you now what is happening. Apparently "you have to monitor your cycles for several months/a year to have a solid basis on which to calculate your safe days, but it really has many benefits. You get to know your body better, you might understand some mood swings better if you have any in relation to your cycle." There are many books that can help us learn our own biochemistry regarding this. More on the Billings Ovulation Method here. And Fertility Charts can be found here.  

Oct 29, 2014

Huffington Post| 15 Biggest Marriage Regrets From Middle-Aged Divorcees

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Posted: Updated:

Divorce triggers a lot of different emotions, everything from sadness to regret. In some cases, a split is precipitated by a factor outside the marriage. In other cases, though, couples ask themselves whether there was something they could have done differently to save the relationship.
With that in mind, we asked divorced Huff/Post50 readers about the biggest mistakes they made in their marriages. Some responses were succinct. "Getting married when my instincts kept screaming 'NO!'" said Nancy Jurney. But others were more complex. "Not really knowing who he was. I should have done a better job on his background. Got married in June of 1986 and divorce was final in December 1986," said Jessie Williams. Take a look at the other responses below and let us know what you think in comments.

1. "We stopped putting the other first; stopped nurturing the relationship, dating. Simple everyday things like kissing, holding hands, hugging in public or private waned; growing in separate directions and/or not growing at all."

Sep 19, 2014

LouHelen| BNASAA Conference: “Confronting and Facing our Challenging Issues”

I'm moving back to the US and I'm interested in learning more about human sexuality, addictions, abuse and other issues. I found out that at LouHelen Baha'i School in Davison, Michigan this Fall there will be a BNASAA Conference. 

The stated purpose of Bahá’í Network on Aids, Sexuality, Addictions and Abuse (BNASAA) is to explore Bahá’í principles and concepts related to AIDS, human sexuality, addictions, abuse and other challenging personal issues, and to consider questions and concerns that arise in the application of these principles to Bahá’í community development. The committee is appointed by and under the guidance of the National Spiritual Assembly of Canada. This year’s conference will focus on ways we can acknowledge and address difficult issues that we deal with in developing a spiritual response to the challenges we face.
I read a beautiful article by Jay Howard Russell, a gay Baha'i man who

Dr. Phil| Helping the Gents and the Ladies

Sep 14, 2014

Tom Price| 12 Signs of Love

This is invaluable.

Tom Price's Talk, "12 Signs of Love"
- enjoy Tom's funny, factual, spiritual truths based on the Holy Writings and his down to earth references... powerful, useful and inspiring.

Susan Gammage on "12 Signs of Love"
- enjoy Susan's thoughtful, sincere, and helpful discussion on this wonderful talk. And the comments left by other therapists, counselors, coaches, friends.  And her many other entries, and materials...

Nov 5, 2013

Seth Adam Smith| Marriage isn't for you...

it's for the person you marry, the family you create, and the children you raise, and the service you render to God. Please enjoy this sent by my father today:

"I walk slowly, but I never walk backward." -Abraham Lincoln

Sep 29, 2013

Words of Wisdom| Asl-I-Kull'l-Khayr

In the Name of God, the Exalted, the Most High
THE source of all good is trust in God, submission unto His command, and contentment with His holy will and pleasure.
The essence of wisdom is the fear of God, the dread of His scourge and punishment, and the apprehension of His justice and decree.
The essence of religion is to testify unto that which the Lord hath revealed, and follow that which He hath ordained in His mighty Book.
The source of all glory is acceptance of whatsoever the Lord hath bestowed, and contentment with that which God hath ordained.

Sep 22, 2013| 3 Ways to Feel Loved When Your Relationship is Ending

The source of all good is trust in God, submission unto His command, and contentment with His holy will and pleasure.

Just read a nice article about "3 Ways to Feel Loved When Your Relationship is Ending" - about how to see the space not as lost love, but of an opening for more love starting with yourself....and find love all around you - animals, children, uplifting music, fun things you like to do - make a "I love me" list of 108 reasons you love yourself....and Instant love ready to share! please enjoy. 

Jul 18, 2013

The important thing about yelling

We can stop. We can stop it. 

How? My sister and I talked about this today. I've talked about it with friends in Beijing, and in the US. Older than me and younger. 4 year old Zayha showed me how she 'boxes back her lower nature' and let's her higher nature win. Her higher nature is, "happiness". 

My sister highly recommended this book about saying hello in your head - to help stop the inner critic, the inner neurotic roommate, from spoiling an otherwise lovely environment: our mind. 

Today, with Dad, we talked about anger management, and why people express anger:  fear and threat, I offered. Fear of what?, we wondered together. Fear of losing something - control, love, attention, respect, etc. How do we overcome this fear? Feeling secure. Deep in our hearts, minds and memory, Deep in our inner voice. 

Apr 22, 2013

The Credit Woman| Tying the Financially Fit Knot

Render thou thanks unto God, for He hath graciously enabled thee to observe the injunction set forth in His Most Holy Book, inasmuch as thou hast arisen to fulfil the obligation of Huqúq, and God hath accepted thy goodly deed. Know thou, moreover, that those who faithfully serve the All-Merciful will be enriched by Him out of His heavenly treasury.  
(Baha'u'llah, The Compilation of Compilations vol. I, p. 513)

We all need money to do things in this world. Click here to listen to some useful help for singles and couples regarding financial and spending plans with Ms. Tara Colquitt, The Credit Woman.
Free Credit Score sites:
More helpful insight on Money and Marriage from Ms. Susan Gammage:

Liz D| Your Calling -- Keep Praying and Listening for God's Response

"Keep praying and listening for God's response."
Liz D
 Liz D. from Los Angeles shares what she went through to find her calling, the examples she had in her life and how prayer helped her find her path.

Three years ago a friend shared with me that he'd decided to