Collecting articles and insights on marriage, with the Baha'i Writings in mind.

Blog List

Apr 30, 2015

Teaching Ourselves to Let Go Lovingly

‘Abdu’l-Baha tells us what to do with angry thoughts:
When a thought of war comes, oppose it by a stronger thought of peace. A thought of hatred must be destroyed by a more powerful thought of love.6
In a pilgrim note attributed to ‘Abdu’l-Baha, we’re told that the best antidote to anger is to sacrifice our self, our talent, our time, and even our rest to someone who has to bear a heavier load than we do:
Be not the slave of your moods, but their master. But if you are so angry, so depressed and so sore that your spirit cannot find deliverance and peace even in prayer, then quickly go and give some pleasure to someone lowly or sorrowful, or to a guilty or innocent sufferer! Sacrifice yourself, your talent, your time, your rest to another, to one who has to bear a heavier load than you.13

Apr 29, 2015

When a Woman/Man Feels Respected - Everything (I mean everything) is Better

This is a great video from a professor in Arizona.

Putting our partners needs before our own.
Usually there is one giver and one taker.
The taker likes taking. The giver is left depleted.
But if both partners have the idea of being of service to the other, then there is a possibility of good marriage.

"Oh, I accidentally hurt you. I'm really sorry, let me take ownership of this."

This has beautiful ripple effects.

The payoff is great...

Apr 27, 2015

Let the Learning Begin: The Work by Byron Katie

Found a cool place recently, RUAH.  RUAH is a Hebrew word for "Breath of God". RUAH is also an acronym that founder Ms. Jo named the house she bought and transformed into a healing center - right in my hometown, Naperville. Respite for Understanding, Acceptance and Healing.

Loved seeing it - the lovely backyard, the different rooms for education and healing, the two little dogs running around. The children of different practitioners or visitors playing with the dogs. The different rooms, including a movie room, library, massage room, future yoga room, warmly decorated, available for use by different teachers and trainers to offer a class or course.

Have been interested in using the Emotional Freedom Technique (EFT) of releasing negative thoughts and emotions through tapping on accupressure points along the meridians. I learned about EFT back in 2002. I've known that my emotions of feeling angry, hurt, jealous, etc. have overwhelmed me and my thinking, decision making, choices, relationships for years, just wasn't sure how to tackle it effectively all this time with all the resources available: prayer, trust in God, exercise, diet, physical and emotional balance, learning to put the thoughts in the right place...

Noble have I created thee, yet thou hast abased thyself. Rise then unto that for which thou wast created.  (Baha’u’llah, Hidden Words, Arabic 22)
Talked with a nice person I met at an EFT meeting there (more about EFT and nobility later), about my goals and she recommended that I learn about Byron Katie's journey and work as well. So that is what I'm doing. I'm listening to her talks and doing a worksheet called "Judge Your Neighbor" in order to acknowledge a painful thought/idea and then learn how to 'turn it around' where you take responsibility for your thoughts and feelings.

 Learning not to concern oneself with the faults of others seems to be one of the most difficult lessons for people to master, and that failing in this is a fertile cause of disputes among Bahá’ís as it is among men and women in general.  (Universal House of Justice, Lights of Guidance, p. 89)

Apr 18, 2015

Advice given by ‘Abdu’l-Baha to a believer about marriage and family life

‘Abdu’l-Baha, from a talk, December 22, 1918, Haifa; Star of the West, vol. 11, no. 1, March 21, 1920

Now that thou art returning to America thou must think of taking unto thyself a wife. Do thou choose a girl who may be suitable to thy intellectual and spiritual ideals. She must be wise, intelligent, and a symbol of aspiring perfection. She must take an interest in all the problems pertaining to thy life, and be thy companion and partner in every phase of thy existence. She must be sympathetic, kind-hearted, happy, and endowed with a joyful disposition. Then thou must devote thyself to her happiness and love her with a glorious, spiritual love.

Before choosing a wife a man must think soberly and seriously that this girl will be his friend throughout all his life. It is not a temporary matter. She is a soul with whom he must associate all the days of his life; she will be his mate and his intimate confidant; therefore, day by day their love and their attachment to each other must increase.

The greatest bond that will unite the hearts of man and wife is faithfulness and loyalty. Both must exercise toward each other the utmost faithfulness and loyalty and not let any trace of jealousy creep between them; for this thing like unto poison vitiates the very foundation of love.

Apr 3, 2015

Oprah| Secret to a Great Marriage - Honesty, Sacrifice...

This just in [click link] ... hope you can enjoy:
  1. We get to be on this adventure called life together
  2. Honesty and healing and dealing with our own selves, bringing a strong, healthy person to the relationship...Marriage is as happy as the least healthy person in it...
  3. 3rd kind of love: Sacrifice for their thriving....Wanting to the best for each other and doing things for that
  4. Learn to fight well together... "Help me see what you're seeing that I'm not seeing" *When you get married you get a 2nd set of eyes.  When you get children... even more....
21. O SON OF MAN! 
Upon the tree of effulgent glory I have hung for thee the choicest fruits, wherefore hast thou turned away and contented thyself with that which is less good? Return then unto that which is better for thee in the realm on high.

Mar 15, 2015

The Marriage of Shoghi Effendi with Amatu’l-Bahá Ruhiyyih Khanum

The Marriage of Shoghi Effendi – recalled by his wife Amatu’l-Bahá Ruhiyyih Khanum (nee, Mary Maxwell) in The Priceless Pearl (taken from Baha'i Stories)

The marriage of Shoghi Effendi, the Guardian of the Baha’i Faith, with Mary Maxwell of Canada (later to be known as Amatu’l-Bahá Ruhiyyih Khanum - which means: Maidservant of Bahá, Lady Ruhiyyih) took place on 25 March 1937 in Haifa, Israel. Many years later in her book about Shoghi Effendi, ‘The Priceless Pearl’, Ruhiyyih Khanum describes the circumstances surrounding her wedding and help us appreciate the incredible simplicity of the event - reminiscent of the simplicity of 'Abdu'l-Bahá's own marriage in the prison-city of 'Akká – and its thought-provoking example to Bahá'ís everywhere:

No one, with the exception of his parents, my parents and a brother and two sisters of his living in Haifa, knew it was to take place. He felt strongly urged to keep it a secret, knowing from past experience how much trouble any major event in the Cause invariably stirred up. It was therefore a stunning surprise to both the servants and the local Baha'is when his chauffeur drove him off, with me beside him, to visit the Holy Tomb of Baha'u'llah on the afternoon of 25 March 1937. His heart drew him to that Most Sacred Spot on earth at such a moment in his life.. . .

Nov 25, 2014

Bahá'u'lláh says God has created all the good things in the world for us to enjoy and partake

  • “We are not ascetics in any sense of the word. On the contrary, Bahá'u'lláh says God has created all the good things in the world for us to enjoy and partake...."  (Shoghi Effendi, The Light of Divine Guidance v II, 69)
PMS symptoms are more numerous and diverse than you may think. They can either sneak up on you or hit you like a speeding truck. Check out these Natural Cures ‪#‎LadyComp‬

Natural Cures for Premenstrual SyndromePosted on September 18, 2013 by natalieApproximately 85% of menstruating women report having some symptoms of Premenstrual Syndrome (PMS), which is...
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  • GECC likes this

Oct 29, 2014

Huffington Post| 15 Biggest Marriage Regrets From Middle-Aged Divorcees

 | By
Posted: Updated:

Divorce triggers a lot of different emotions, everything from sadness to regret. In some cases, a split is precipitated by a factor outside the marriage. In other cases, though, couples ask themselves whether there was something they could have done differently to save the relationship.
With that in mind, we asked divorced Huff/Post50 readers about the biggest mistakes they made in their marriages. Some responses were succinct. "Getting married when my instincts kept screaming 'NO!'" said Nancy Jurney. But others were more complex. "Not really knowing who he was. I should have done a better job on his background. Got married in June of 1986 and divorce was final in December 1986," said Jessie Williams. Take a look at the other responses below and let us know what you think in comments.

1. "We stopped putting the other first; stopped nurturing the relationship, dating. Simple everyday things like kissing, holding hands, hugging in public or private waned; growing in separate directions and/or not growing at all."

Sep 19, 2014

LouHelen| BNASAA Conference: “Confronting and Facing our Challenging Issues”

I'm moving back to the US and I'm interested in learning more about human sexuality, addictions, abuse and other issues. I found out that at LouHelen Baha'i School in Davison, Michigan this Fall there will be a BNASAA Conference. 

The stated purpose of Bahá’í Network on Aids, Sexuality, Addictions and Abuse (BNASAA) is to explore Bahá’í principles and concepts related to AIDS, human sexuality, addictions, abuse and other challenging personal issues, and to consider questions and concerns that arise in the application of these principles to Bahá’í community development. The committee is appointed by and under the guidance of the National Spiritual Assembly of Canada. This year’s conference will focus on ways we can acknowledge and address difficult issues that we deal with in developing a spiritual response to the challenges we face.
I read a beautiful article by Jay Howard Russell, a gay Baha'i man who

Dr. Phil| Helping the Gents and the Ladies

Sep 14, 2014

Tom Price| 12 Signs of Love

This is invaluable.

Tom Price's Talk, "12 Signs of Love"
- enjoy Tom's funny, factual, spiritual truths based on the Holy Writings and his down to earth references... powerful, useful and inspiring.

Susan Gammage on "12 Signs of Love"
- enjoy Susan's thoughtful, sincere, and helpful discussion on this wonderful talk. And the comments left by other therapists, counselors, coaches, friends.  And her many other entries, and materials...

Nov 5, 2013

Seth Adam Smith| Marriage isn't for you...

it's for the person you marry, the family you create, and the children you raise, and the service you render to God. Please enjoy this sent by my father today:

"I walk slowly, but I never walk backward." -Abraham Lincoln

Sep 29, 2013

Words of Wisdom| Asl-I-Kull'l-Khayr

In the Name of God, the Exalted, the Most High
THE source of all good is trust in God, submission unto His command, and contentment with His holy will and pleasure.
The essence of wisdom is the fear of God, the dread of His scourge and punishment, and the apprehension of His justice and decree.
The essence of religion is to testify unto that which the Lord hath revealed, and follow that which He hath ordained in His mighty Book.
The source of all glory is acceptance of whatsoever the Lord hath bestowed, and contentment with that which God hath ordained.