Only Way to a Happy and Successful Marital Life

Dear A, L, and M,

When I joined the “Save Marriage – One Man One Woman” group on Facebook awhile ago – the last thing on my mind was the vote for gay marriages. I was thinking – "how can we stop polygamy and all that negative stuff it brings" as my friend from Kenya and I were discussing for a week or so before and after the US presidential elections. We planned to ask President Obama to help improve the role and relationship of respect and equality between women and men in his father’s home country since he seemed/seems to have such a huge impact and hopefully positive influence on the men of Kenya. I even wrote to him about it. It really wasn’t my intention – to get involved in such a politically charged debate. I was joining a group I thought actually funnily enough dealt with getting rid of polygamy.

But the truth is I am really not 'for' gay marriage, I'm not against it either. I don't think a political stance on the subject is necessary on my part.
I don't think that area is any of my business, because I think it doesn't help to build unity and understanding. I don't want to insult anyone or hurt anyone by taking such a stance. I want to fight for unity and understanding not stances. Through unity and understanding and consultation and friendship and honesty - our societies will figure out what the best guideliness and parameters are for healthy individuals, families and communities.

I think people should be loved and respected (even those with different opinions) and try to understand and encourage and help each other; people should be able to be honest about their lives, their feelings, their interests, their everything, and people should strive to do what’s good for themselves, families and society discussing it along the way and communicating what is best and what is not and improving along the way hopefully in an atmosphere of love, and with an attitude of openness and learning.

However, there does exist some clear words from the religions of the world about sex and sexual behavior that is considered "a proper use" of the sex instinct that we all have, or "positively harmful" approaches to the sex instinct. There is an Authority - and Authority who makes clear certain Standards and Laws. The human made laws may not always be in accordance with the Authority made Laws, but we are lucky to have these Laws and Guidelines.

So, what does this Authority (for today I understand this Authority to be Baha'u'llah the founder of the Baha’I Faith which started in 1844), say about how we use our sexual impulses as individuals, within families, in our communities?

• "The Bahá'í Faith recognizes the value of the sex impulse, but condemns its illegitimate and improper expressions such as free love, companionate marriage and others, all of which it considers positively harmful to man and to the society in which he lives. The proper use of the sex instinct is the natural right of every individual, and it is precisely for this purpose that the institution of marriage has been established. The Bahá'ís do not believe in the suppression of the sex impulse but in its regulation and control"

• “Bahá'u'lláh, like all the other Prophets and Messengers of God, preaches abstinence, and condemns, in vehement language, all forms of sexual laxity, unbridled licence and lust. The Bahá'í standard of sex morality is thus very high, but it is by no means unreasonably rigid. While free love is condemned, yet marriage is considered as a holy act which every human being should be encouraged, though not forced, to perform. Sex instinct, like all other human instincts, is not necessarily evil. It is a power which, if properly directed, can bring joy and satisfaction to the individual. If misused or abused it brings, of course, incalculable harm not only to the individual but also to the society in which he lives. While the Bahá'ís condemn asceticism and all extreme forms of self-mortification they at the same time view with disfavour the current theories of sex ethics which cannot but bring ruin to human society”

• “Briefly stated the Bahá'í conception of sex is based on the belief that chastity should be strictly practiced by both sexes, not only because it is in itself highly commendable ethically, but also due to its being the only way to a happy and successful marital life. Sex relationships of any form, outside marriage, are not permissible therefore, and whoso violates this rule will not only be responsible to God, but will incur the necessary punishment from society.”

I found an article that’s very interesting. I agree with the message that while there are so many gay, bi, lesbian, and heterosexual friends and family and people who are wonderful and their relationships can be wonderful too, and they are not to be anything but loved and respected, there is also a standard from God via religion that explains some things, some actions and things in our heart (like love, acceptance, justice, truthfulness, etc.) are acceptable according to Him and some are not, and this is meant for the betterment of society at large. A heterosexual couple who is filled with hate, anger, revenge, and dishonesty is not considered acceptable. Just as certain physical acts while they may feel good and right, are not within the bounds of moderation and acceptability according to the Word of God. I would rather us talk about the word of God and how we can strive to live up to it, than to disregard it and make up our own rules that will probably hurt millions and millions for a long time. And reflect and strive to align ourselves with these guidelines. And encourage each other lovingly and with understanding along the way. 

Here is the article.

How can we continue the important honest discussions while using the very strong and super useful Laws to help us figure out the humans' best practices?