Holding it Together

"...man should know his own self and know those things which lead to loftiness or to baseness, to shame or to honor." Bahá'u'lláh in Bahá'í World Faith

Baha'is believe marriage is a divine institution ordained by God and the foundation of a unified society. The key purpose of this union between a man and a woman -- beyond physical, spiritual and intellectual companionship -- is to procreate and raise children.

Baha'u'llah called marriage "a fortress for well-being and salvation." Abdu'l-Baha said: "In a true Baha'i marriage the two parties must become fully united both spiritually and physically, so that they may attain eternal union throughout all the worlds of God, and improve the spiritual life of each other."

Abdu'l-Baha said married couples should strive to become "loving companions and comrades and at one with each other for time and eternity."

Before entering into marriage, which He called "union and cordial affection between the two parties," Abdu'l-Baha cautioned couples to "exercise the utmost care and become acquainted with each other's character." from Marriage and Family Life

it's really hard...it's hard when you don't know if you should break up or not. It's hard when you start to sabotage the relationship with bad behavior....it's hard when someone else does...it's hard when you can't be best friends anymore...it's hard to stop thinking about it...it's hard to believe you'll find someone better suited to a good relationship together and become someone better too. Here is a something good about behavior and situations in life that seems bad or evil or terrible, and what we can do with it, to grow from it actually. Why does this happen? Please enjoy this from an article called "Good and Evil":

In contrast to a number of other religious doctrines and philosophies, the Bahá'í Faith does not teach that the physical desires of human beings are "evil" or "bad." Everything in God's creation is regarded as essentially and fundamentally good. In fact, the very purpose of the human body and its physical faculties is to serve as a proper vehicle for the development of the soul . As the energies of the body are gradually brought under the conscious control of the soul, they become instruments for the expression of spiritual qualities. It is only undisciplined physical passions that become causes of harm, and hinder spiritual progress.

For example, the human sexual urge is considered to be a gift from God. Its disciplined expression within the legitimate bonds of marriage can be a powerful expression of the spiritual quality of love. However, the same sexual urge, if misused, can lead one into perverse, wasteful, and even destructive actions.

The Bahá'í writings acknowledge explicitly that certain physical factors beyond the control of the individual, such as genetic weaknesses, or inadequate childhood nutrition, can have a significant effect on one's development during his earthly life. But such material influences are not permanent, and they have no power in themselves to harm or damage the soul. At most, they can only retard temporarily the spiritual growth process , and even this effect can be counterbalanced by a subsequent burst of more rapid development. Indeed, the Bahá'í writings explain that it is often in the individual's determined and courageous struggle against physical, emotional, and mental handicaps that the greatest spiritual growth occurs, and the individual may come to view his handicaps as blessings in disguise that have, ultimately, helped him grow spiritually. Thus, admitting that physical conditions can affect, temporarily but significantly, the spiritual growth process is far from believing, as many philosophical materialists do, that we are totally determined by some combination of genetic and environmental physical factors:

...movement is essential to all existence. All material things progress to a certain point, then begin to decline. This is the law which governs the whole physical creation.... But with the human soul, there is no decline. Its only movement is toward perfection; growth and progress alone constitute the motion of the soul....

The world of mortality is a world of contradictions, of opposites; motion being compulsory everything must either go forward or retreat. In the realm of spirit there is no retreat possible, all movement is bound to be towards a perfect state.

The theme of growth through struggle and suffering occurs at several places in the Bahá'í writings. Although many of our sufferings result from careless living and are therefore potentially avoidable, a certain amount of suffering is necessary in any growth process. Indeed, we understand and accept that suffering and self-sacrifice are essential components of achieving material or intellectual success. Thus, we should not be surprised that the even more important endeavor of achieving spiritual growth might also involve those same elements:

Everything of importance in this world demands the close attention of its seeker. The one in pursuit of anything must undergo difficulties and hardships until the object in view is attained and the great success is obtained. This is the case of things pertaining to the world. How much higher is that which concerns the Supreme Concourse!