Tools: Working with your Local Spiritual Assembly on Marriage

from http://www.bahaimarriage.net/assemblies.htm 

Local Spiritual Assemblies and Marriage

Due to the level of spiritual and intellectual maturity of mankind, there is no clergy in the Bahá'í Faith. In civil jurisdictions where there are nine or more adult Bahá'ís, there is a Spiritual Assembly, an elected council which is responsible, among many other duties, for assuring that the Bahá'í marriage and divorce laws are followed. In many countries, they are also able to act as the civil authority for solemnizing marriages.

Guidance related to relationships, parental consent, marriage, and divorce comes regularly from the Universal House of Justice to various National Spiritual Assemblies. The National centers then provide guidance as needed to the local Assemblies. When Assemblies have a difficult or unusual situation to handle, they can request guidance from their National Assembly, which can obtain input from the Universal House of Justice. Some current guidance is also located on the Resources page.

Encouraging Strong Marriages

Spiritual Assemblies are responsible for their community 19-Day Feast, a gathering that occurs every 19 days. Feasts include a spritual, administrative, and a social portion and are designed to promote community unity. As part of the spiritual portion, there are prayers and readings from the Writings of the Bahá'í Faith. There is also often music. An Assembly or the host of a Feast could choose to have the theme of the readings be about marriage as one way of encouraging couples to form and sustain strong marital unions. Below is a link to a pdf download of a selection of readings and prayers for the spiritual portion of a Feast.

Feast Readings and Prayers on the Topic of Marriage

Other suggestions for integrating marriage education into community life can be found in the following pdf file:

www.bahaimarriage.net/MarriageEducation-Assemblies.pdf

Building Relationships Between Individuals, Couples, and the Assembly

Individuals and couples will freely and easily approach Assemblies when they feel a high level of trust and respect for the functioning of the institution they are considering contacting. Where an Assembly has made the effort to have a loving, interactive relationship with the community it serves, those needing guidance or having difficulties are more likely to contact it on a timely basis.

Guidance: "[Assemblies] must endeavor to promote amity and concord amongst the friends, efface every lingering trace of distrust, coolness and estrangement from every heart, and secure in its stead an active and whole-hearted cooperation for the service of the Cause. … They must promote by every means in their power the material as well as the spiritual enlightenment of youth, the means for the education of children, institute, whenever possible, Bahá'í educational institutions, organize and supervise their work and provide the best means for their progress and development." (Shoghi Effendi, The Compilation of Compilations, Vol. II, "The Local Spiritual Assembly", p. 48) 

The Canadian National Spiritual Assembly guides its communities to study Bahá'í marriage and its related laws each February. At the request of a community in British Columbia, a handout was prepared as a service, and it can be edited and available to other communities as needed. Download a pdf of the draft version of the Bahá'í Marriage Workshop Handout1 (mixed audience) or Bahá'í Marriage Workshop Handout2 (primarily unmarried individuals and couples). Request copies of the document in Microsoft Word format for editing purposes and to consult about use.

Working with Couples

Local Spiritual Assemblies regularly feel and express frustration because individuals and couples delay coming to them for guidance and assistance when they need knowledge and skill building or when they experience relationship or marriage challenges. The delay often creates unnecessary difficulties or hampers the ability of the Assembly to respond effectively. Seeing an Assembly when an issue is in its early stages provides the opportunity for the Assembly to be of service to you and often addresses a problem before it becomes destructively entrenched.

In addition, when an individual or a couple approaches an Assembly, they often present final decisions rather than requesting guidance before decisions are made. This could include telling an Assembly that you are going to get married in a week rather than involving them early so you are fully informed of any Bahá'í principles that apply to wedding planning. Alternatively, it could be telling the Assembly that you are divorcing instead of earlier asking for help with issues. Consultation achieves its best outcomes when all parties are open to addressing issues promptly and searching for new perspectives, information, and conclusions.

Times when it may be wise to approach an Assembly for information and guidance are:

When you wish to date or court someone and are unfamiliar with the Bahá'í teachings on the subject When you have decided to marry but not yet asked for parental consent/begun wedding planning and are unfamiliar with the Bahá'í teachings on the subject When you have parental consent and have chosen your wedding witnesses When you need to understand how to consult as a married couple When your marriage begins experiencing challenges When you want information about being a parent When you are discussing the possibility of separating When you need referral to a marriage counselor When you are seriously considering divorce Whenever you are unclear about Bahá'í principles or laws that apply to your life

Depending on the circumstances, the whole Assembly may meet with someone or a couple,
a committee or representative may meet with them instead,
or the secretary may simply provide them with helpful resources and referrals.

Relationship and Marriage Knowledge and Skills

You may be in a situation where an Assembly assists you with finding a source for marriage education, or you may have to rely on individual initiative. Either way, increasing your relationship and marriage knowledge and skills is particularly helpful when there are stressful changes underway; such as at the following key transition points:

Pre-Marriage (Self-Preparation; Friendship; Dating; Courting; Getting to Know Character; Consent; Engagement Newly married Becoming parents/stepparents Parenting young children Parenting adolescents Empty-nesting/Returning children Retiring/Elderly Job loss/change Moving homes Caring for one's parents Serious illness, disability, or death Any time there is a major test or difficulty

Each major change that couples experience brings a different set of stresses that can disrupt the balance between them and cause them to question their relationship. Couples can get help from relationship coaching and marriage education programs at any stage, regardless of how long the relationship has existed or its circumstances. Please reach out for help - there are many resources available.

Bahá'í-Faith based relationship and marriage workshops

Assembly Development and Couple Development

Marriage Counseling

Guidance:"Consultation is…available for the individual in solving his own problems; he may consult with his Assembly, with his family and with his friends." ("Understanding Tests" letter on behalf of the Universal House of Justice, July 17, 1989)

Guidance:"Neither you nor your husband should hesitate to continue consulting professional marriage counselors, individually and together if possible, and also to take advantage of the supportive counseling which can come from wise and mature friends. Non-Bahá'í counseling can be useful but it is usually necessary to temper it with Bahá'í insight." (On behalf of the Universal House of Justice: The Compilation of Compilations, Vol. II, "Preserving Bahá'í Marriages", p. 455)

Resources

The United States Bahá'í National Spiritual Assembly has developed study and workshop modules for individuals and Assemblies that may also be useful for couples. Topics include: Consultation, Conflict Resolution, Equality of Women and Men, Love and Unity, Stress Management, Domestic Violence, and more.You can download all materials from this website:

http://www.core-curriculum.org/index.php/assembly-development

Additional information and resources on handling domestic violence issues can also be found at:

http://www.bahai.us/domestic-violence

See Resources for additional helpful materials.

Please contact Susanne M. Alexander, susanne@marriagetransformation.com if any additional service is helpful. Further resources are available at www.marriagetransformation.com/bahai.htm.