by Lauren Gray on Monday, July 30, 2012 at 1:18am ·
Dear Lauren,
I have been single almost 3 years. My last relationship was 7 years and ended when I wanted to start a family and he didn't. I've never been proposed to and I think I lost my chances to get a decent husband since I'm old. I feel I'm used and I only attract men with more baggage than me. I am around guys that only prefer virgins and I feel second hand. I now face the consequences of being a "no good" woman. I like some men but they don't see me as a potential partner since I am older and not a virgin.
-Lorena
Hi Lorena,
If you call yourself names like "old," "second-hand," "used," "no-good," "unworthy" then you will attract men into your life that think the same. Being single for 3 years isn't long. I found my current partner after 5 years of being single and I don't regret a minute of it. Being single is the time to learn who you are, get hobbies, pursue a purpose, expand your spirituality, and learn to love yourself despite being "imperfect." This is the time to embrace your value.
If you see yourself as powerful, confidant, happy, worthy, strong, special and desirable, you will attract a man who sees you as such. It's not about changing yourself to what men want. You become who you want to be, accept yourself, improve yourself, love yourself and you will attract a man who wants you just as you are. Here's the deal, if you see yourself as a catch, he will see you as a catch. The only men who will have the courage and confidence to go after you are men who also see themselves as a catch. Your man pool will be made up of higher value players so the fishing gets easier.
Being single is a gift. Don't feel like you are running out of time. Love doesn't care how old you are and it certainly doesn't care if your hymen is intact. When you are ready, love will find you. If you are still holding on to hurt from your last relationship I recommend grabbing a copy of Mars Venus Starting Over. You can't move on when you carry the burden of a past hurt. This book will help you heal your heart and teach you how to move forward, what to look for in a new partner and how to change the relationship patterns you've created for yourself. Best of luck.
-Lauren
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