Harville and Helen's Top Ten Imago Relationship Tips:
 1. Add romance to your relationship year round with little surprises. Don't wait to do something special on Valentine's Day! Surprise your partner on a Monday night in March with a candlelit dinner, he/she may need and appreciate it more. Try adding little surprises gradually and don't worry about being original. Think of something your partner will appreciate (a love note, a single rose, a CD of their favorite musician, a new pet-name etc.) and surprise him/her. Remember the old adage: it's the thought that counts.
2. Don't be defensive. Rather than feeling judged, take a step back and look at your character flaws. No one is perfect, but we all have the opportunity to grow.
3. Make love, not war! Always act with love and understanding.
4. Avoid negativity. Blame and negative criticism gets you nowhere. Your intention is to have a loving relationship, so keep that in mind BEFORE an argument. Speak to how you feel rather than listing what you think your partner is doing wrong.
5. Dialogue your way to a better relationship. Go to a "Getting the Love You Want" workshop or read the book to learn how to use the Imago Dialogue. Good communication is the key to understanding each other and being understood.
6. Be the partner you want your partner to be.
7. Take ownership for what is not working in your relationship. Denial is poison to a relationship and sitting around with feelings of inadequacies doesn't do anyone any good. Be honest with yourself and you will make room for growth.
8. Create a relationship vision together (this exercise is in Getting The Love You Want). Energy follows attention. The minute you begin to create the vision, you will move towards it.
9. Become your partner's advocate. Your partner's welfare, dreams, potential, and achievements must become your project.
10. Love unconditionally. It is easier to love when all is well, much harder when times are bad. When is love more valued?
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