> Further Reading in "Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus" in Chapter 13 "Keeping the Magic of Love Alive"l - all about how even if you're getting along, some negative feelings towards each other can easily come up from seemingly out of nowhere. And in this chapter it says that usually we're not really mad at our spouses - we're mad about something from before that was triggered with our spouses. Repressed feelings. The author suggests actually 90% of what we're upset about comes from past repressed feelings and 10% has to do with stuff today. That this is common. "When a man's past comes up he generally needs to go to his cave and needs a lot of acceptance. When a women's past comes up her self esteem crashes and she needs to go in to the well of her feelings and she needs tender loving care."
>
> A tool in this chapter: Writing a Love Letter. If our partner does something that upsets us very much we can try writing a love letter and while writing it we can think about "How this relates to my past?" Then we may realize that we're really upset with our mother or father. Then we continue writing the Love Letter but to our parent instead (or whoever we are upset with from the past). Then write a loving Response Letter. Then share this letter with your partner - who will like reading it and be glad that 90% of your upset feelings are not really due to them. This will help them to be more sensitive to your feelings and not feel they are to blame so much.
>
> "You are never upset for the reason you think"
>
> This is helpful when trying
> 1. Focus on the good in others
> 2. Trust in God
> 3. Understand ourselves
> 4. Have love and harmony and not criticize others...
>
> A tool in this chapter: Writing a Love Letter. If our partner does something that upsets us very much we can try writing a love letter and while writing it we can think about "How this relates to my past?" Then we may realize that we're really upset with our mother or father. Then we continue writing the Love Letter but to our parent instead (or whoever we are upset with from the past). Then write a loving Response Letter. Then share this letter with your partner - who will like reading it and be glad that 90% of your upset feelings are not really due to them. This will help them to be more sensitive to your feelings and not feel they are to blame so much.
>
> "You are never upset for the reason you think"
>
> This is helpful when trying
> 1. Focus on the good in others
> 2. Trust in God
> 3. Understand ourselves
> 4. Have love and harmony and not criticize others...