Overcome Lower Nature: Jealousy - Avoid it as you would a lion

Sources:

• Diomampo, Rhio, "Conquering the Green-eyed Monster." Woman Today Magazine 6 Aug. 03
• http://factoidz.com/kill-jealousy-before-it-kills-you/
• http://zohrab-meihua.blogspot.com/2007/12/marriage-tablet-by-abdul-baha.html
• http://bahaiforums.com/general-discussion/7635-how-deal-others-jealousy.html
• http://www.earth2844.net/3.3Health.htm
• http://susangammage.com/spiritual-causes-of-disease-a-bahai-perspective
• http://www.elikamahony.com/blog/2008/08/10/marriage-booklet/
• http://www.wikihow.com/Handle-Jealousy

PROBLEM Jealousy is a sign of insecurity.  It indicates a lack of confidence. Fear, anticipated loss, insecurity and anxiety are just some of the feelings that signal the emotion of jealousy. Jealousy combines emotional states such as anger, sadness, resentment and other low level states to form this behavior and thought process. Signs of jealousy include fear of loss, distrust, sadness, suspicion of betrayal, uncertainty. In relationships it can manifest when one partner suspects the other of having feelings or relations with a rival, threatening the current partnership. The jealous person will show forms of behavior to self regulate the relationship.  Women are more affected by the emotional infidelity (feeling of abandonment) and thoughts of being replaced. Men are more affected by the sexual infidelity of a cheating spouse.

A spiritual counselor and a book author points out that jealousy is "a negative force that poisons the soul and affects the emotional balance." Furthermore, he added that jealousy cannot be x-rayed but you can chart it in physical terms: the bodily stress it causes as the nervous and glandular systems of the body keep score.  Like everyone else, you need a little help from the experts in fighting off jealousy.


CURE  Realize that you do not "own" anyone except yourself and that other people are free of choice in their thoughts to like and want whatever they want. True love is letting someone else be themselves. True jealousy is not letting someone be themselves. Avoid jealousy as you would a lion - be aware of it and avoid in consciously - prepare yourself, inform yourself, heal yourself of what makes you feel insecure and jealous, through study, consulting, action and especially, prayer.

Pray for the capacity to overcome this situation. Pray for confidence, and reliance on the Love of God. Use the obligatory prayers and others: 

"These daily obligatory prayers, together with a few other specific ones, such as the Healing Prayer, the Tablet of Ahmad, have been invested by Bahá'u'lláh with a special potency and significance, and should therefore be accepted as such and be recited by the believers with unquestioned faith and confidence, that through them they may enter into a much closer communion with God, and identify themselves more fully with His Laws and precepts." Use the prayers to overcome jealousy, anger, sadness, resentment, etc. To have the opposite feelings. Happiness, trust, love, certainty. Reliance on God. 

1)  Where is your jealousy coming from?Ask yourself why you feel the way you do.  Is there a deeper issue, or is your partner giving you a really good reason to feel jealous?  When you're jealous, you need to stop and analyze the situation.

2)  Admit you're jealous. When you're jealous, the worst thing you can do is to lie to yourself and play games with your emotions.  According to psychologists hiding your jealousy, when it's obviously there, will only make you angrier and more resentful.

3) What circumstances stir up your jealousy? Are you terribly afraid of being betrayed, replaced, left out, ignored?  Ask yourself what situations can drive you nuts, and why.  For example, if you realize, that you hate it when your partner chats with a member of the opposite sex, then you need to discover why that situation makes you feel bad.  Do you remember a similar situation in the past that led to a partner's infidelity?  Or is your self-esteem a little lower than you realized. Something happened between your parents? 

4) Take control of yourself and take responsibility for yourself.  According to a guidance counselor talk to your partner and be honest about your concerns.  He will be willing to listen to you and work with you to prevent the problem from occurring again if your partner truly cares for you.  It is also a good idea to work on your emotional health.  You will need all your confidence and self-respect to manage your jealousy.

5) Practice makes perfect. Concentrate on controlling your jealousy and hopefully getting rid of it.  Being in control of your emotions allow you to be more open-minded and clear-sighted.  The quality of your relationships and your overall well-being depend largely on your mental state.  The essential qualities for your happiness is a healthy mind free from malice that will encourage the development of zestful life.

QUOTES

1. "Yield not to grief and sorrow:  they cause the greatest misery. Jealousy consumeth the body and anger doth burn the liver:  avoid these two as you would a lion." - Baha'u'llah
2. "Allow no trace of jealousy to creep between you, for jealousy, like unto poison, vitiates the very essence of love. Let not the ephemeral incidents and accidents of this changeful life cause a rift between you. When differences present themselves, take counsel together in secret, lest others magnify a speck into a mountain. Harbour not in your hearts any grievance, but rather explain its nature to each other with such frankness and understanding that it will disappear, leaving no remembrance. Choose fellowship and amity and turn away from jealousy and hypocrisy." - An unauthenticated record by Ahmad Sohrab of a talk by 'Abdu'l-Baha. The friends may use it, but it should be made clear that this is not Baha'i scripture.
3. "Jealousy is a gnawing disease, as testified by Bahá'u'lláh. It destroys the one who harbours it."  (H.M. Balyuzi, Abdu'l-Baha – The Centre of the Covenant, p. 55
4. "A competent and self confident person is incapable of jealousy in anything. Jealousy is invariably a symptom of neurotic insecurity." - Robert A. Heinlein
5. "Jealousy is that pain which a man feels from the apprehension that he is not equally beloved by the person whom he entirely loves." - Joseph Addison
6. "Jealousy is the tribute mediocrity pays to genius." - Fulton J. Sheen
7. "To cure jealousy is to see it for what it is, a dissatisfaction with self." - Joan Didion
8. "There is never jealousy where there is not strong regard." - Washington Irving
9. "It is not love that is blind, but jealousy." - Lawrence Durrell
10. "Jealousy is the injured lover's hell." John Milton
11. "In jealousy there is more self-love than love." - Francois Duc de la Rochefoucauld
12. "Jealousy is the great exaggerator." - Johann Christoph Friedrich von Schiller
13. "Don't waste time on jealousy. Sometimes you're ahead, sometimes you're behind." - Mary Schmich