Susanne M. Alexander, Relationship & Marriage Coach
Direct quotations are from the introduction of the book.
www.marriagetransformation.com
There is a recurring question in my world—where are the men who can be good husbands and fathers? I am not sure that is the question to ask. After reading a book entitled "The Truth About Men, Be the Man You Want to Be" by Howard J. Fox (www.howardjfox.com), the question on my mind is: "What do men and women need to do to help men be powerful husbands and fathers?"
After much experience with men's groups, Fox has become a staunch advocate for the importance of creating communities of men. Men together in groups can benefit one another and help each other understand (and forgive) the influence their fathers had on them. He says,
"Today, men live such separate lives that there is little opportunity for the natural growth of masculinity. …[T]he only measure of manhood in practice today is consumption: the more money spent and the more toys possessed, the bigger the man. There is no contemporary measure of the masculinity, character and spirit that truly defines a man. …This has a detrimental effect on boys. Boys used to learn to become men from the men around them…. Mothers have a great influence over boys as the nurturer and primary parent in the house, but fathers today rarely take an equal role.
"Often as men grow up, they often lose contact with their friends and don't form close bonds as adult males. Fox says, "As men, we don't learn the skills that are necessary to keep our friendships alive, yet without other men, without their spirit and support, we have trouble renewing our own masculine spirits. Then we have our 'mid-life crises' and we harm our marriages, put our children through hell, and later wonder what happened." He encourages male involvement in recreational activity but also says that men need more than just hanging out together to maintain a healthy adulthood. They also need to be bravely honest about fears, build trust, and seek advice about living as men.
In a world without clear standards and guidelines, it can be hard for individuals to form their own commitments for how to behave. Men together can help call each other to honesty, faithfulness, spirituality, responsibility, and more. And women? It's up to the females to encourage and support reasonable "man time" and not be jealous of a little time away. Fox also encourages women to be understanding about their men needing a space and time to occasionally be alone to regroup. Constructive and supportive time with other men or man-time alone can help a partner or spouse be more present and committed to his role when returning to his family. I've just touched on the richness of this book, which I wish for all the men I know to read. It's yet one more way to support and promote healthy marriages and families.
Direct quotations are from the introduction of the book.
www.marriagetransformation.com
There is a recurring question in my world—where are the men who can be good husbands and fathers? I am not sure that is the question to ask. After reading a book entitled "The Truth About Men, Be the Man You Want to Be" by Howard J. Fox (www.howardjfox.com), the question on my mind is: "What do men and women need to do to help men be powerful husbands and fathers?"
After much experience with men's groups, Fox has become a staunch advocate for the importance of creating communities of men. Men together in groups can benefit one another and help each other understand (and forgive) the influence their fathers had on them. He says,
"Today, men live such separate lives that there is little opportunity for the natural growth of masculinity. …[T]he only measure of manhood in practice today is consumption: the more money spent and the more toys possessed, the bigger the man. There is no contemporary measure of the masculinity, character and spirit that truly defines a man. …This has a detrimental effect on boys. Boys used to learn to become men from the men around them…. Mothers have a great influence over boys as the nurturer and primary parent in the house, but fathers today rarely take an equal role.
"Often as men grow up, they often lose contact with their friends and don't form close bonds as adult males. Fox says, "As men, we don't learn the skills that are necessary to keep our friendships alive, yet without other men, without their spirit and support, we have trouble renewing our own masculine spirits. Then we have our 'mid-life crises' and we harm our marriages, put our children through hell, and later wonder what happened." He encourages male involvement in recreational activity but also says that men need more than just hanging out together to maintain a healthy adulthood. They also need to be bravely honest about fears, build trust, and seek advice about living as men.
In a world without clear standards and guidelines, it can be hard for individuals to form their own commitments for how to behave. Men together can help call each other to honesty, faithfulness, spirituality, responsibility, and more. And women? It's up to the females to encourage and support reasonable "man time" and not be jealous of a little time away. Fox also encourages women to be understanding about their men needing a space and time to occasionally be alone to regroup. Constructive and supportive time with other men or man-time alone can help a partner or spouse be more present and committed to his role when returning to his family. I've just touched on the richness of this book, which I wish for all the men I know to read. It's yet one more way to support and promote healthy marriages and families.
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