A gift for Valentines Day: '100 Tips for a Happy and Healthy Marriage' (Elika)

Happy Valentines Day!

I am delighted that so many of you have shared insightful comments on a previous post about what makes a marriage/relationship successful.  Many thanks to those of you who took the time to post your comments especially to the couples who have been together for many, many years who shared their insights!   Congratulations goes to Lorna Murday Doomun for winning the lucky draw!

I have read through all the inspiring submissions and have compiled 100 tips in bullet form below from all the comments you shared.  For the full posts, please see the previous blog.  Each person who submitted a comment will be receiving a gift by email.  Thanks again for sharing your thoughts…

100 Tips for a healthy, happy marriage

1. Prayer and consultation are vital when it comes to solving difficulties
2. Make prayer and service the center of your lives
3. Agree not to discuss sensitive issues when one is angry or tired
4. Have an attitude of loving-kindness when attempting to communicate something difficult
5. Think more about the well-being of your partner than your own
6. Don’t criticize the other person but rather encourage them to reach their goals
7. Before marriage, eyes wide open. After marriage, eyes half shut
8. Marriage flows best when we both act from a basis of self-respect with deep respect for each other
9. Clear, open and honest communication is key to a healthy relationship and that includes listening as well as verbalizing
10. Knowing when to admit you’re wrong and ask for forgiveness
11. Before marriage, fully acquaint ourselves with each other’s character, cultural backgrounds and upbringing, while constantly trying to improve our communication styles and conflict resolution skills
12. Get to know well the value system & life priorities of the other
13. The realization that from the very beginning, it’s about abiding by the will of God collectively, and individually
14. Before marriage, spend some time traveling or doing a service project together as a way of getting to know each other
15. Consider their habits, hobbies and attitude to life to see if they complement your own
16. Find a few minutes to talk every day to chat and catch up
17. Laugh together and enjoy time together
18. Have a united vision of what you want in life and a shared approach to raising children
19. Refrain from having expectations
20. Communication, honesty and respect are key factors in making a marriage successful
21. Being on the same page and working as a team when raising children
22. Know yourself and select a spouse of good character
23. Loyalty and trustworthiness are the key virtues for a sustainable relationship
24. Humor, affection, kindness, and response-ability nourish and add sweetness to the bonds
25. Be flexible and have lots of overlaps in the household roles. Mutual support is key
26. Learn to resolve differences fairly
27. Be empathic towards each other
28. Look at your relationship from a spiritual perspective
29. Think of the relationship as two pebbles dropped into a pond, each growing outward in mutually overlapping, ever widening, but never wholly consuming concentric circles
30. Appreciate that there are different “languages of love” such as touch, words, gifts, acts of service, and quality time
31. Learn the wisdom of when to speak….and when it is kind to remain silent
32. Forgiveness is key, as none of us is perfect and we all will make mistakes
33. Practice constantly improving oneself to be a better, more spiritual and selfless person
34. Appreciate the gifts each of you bring to your marriage
35. Pray together, hug often, and consult about every topic that affects your lives
36. Our commitment to truthfulness and integrity help us to trust that we will each do our best every day
37. On days when we struggle, love and compassion for each other keeps us going and helps us re-balance for the next day
38. Understand that everyone has shortcomings
39. Loyalty is everything in a stable relationship, demonstrating your commitment to your partner before and after marriage
40. Find activities that are enjoyable for both of you
41. Our spiritual growth strengthens and protects our marriage
42. Marital well-being requires compromise, sacrifice, letting go and giving up false pride
43. Be of service together and work as a team on making the world a better place
44. Marriage is a union of three entities: God, man and woman
45. Eat dinner together as a family…. whoever does the cooking does not have to do dishes
46. ALWAYS appreciate even little things and NEVER take each other for granted
47. Make time for one another so that when careers are set and children are grown we don’t end up strangers to each other
48. Verbalize your thanks and acknowledge what you do for one another no matter how small
49. Love of God and of each other was the glue that allowed us to ride the roller coaster of life
50. Constantly make an effort to bring happiness to the family
51. Use kind words and a gentle tone of voice
52. Continually remind yourselves of your partner’s virtues and noble qualities
53. In every challenge there are always golden lessons to be learned
54. Each should be the biggest supporter of the other
55. Intimacy, intimacy, intimacy – plan time together to preserve & maintain the relationship
56. A few minutes each day to connect recharges us physically/emotionally/spiritually
57. Giving some space for each other’s creativity
58. Endeavour to improve the spiritual life of each other and together have higher spiritual aims
59. Find activities that are enjoyable to both of you
60. Work on the small problems while they are small. If they become big they are hard to deal with
61. Listen to one’s mind, heart, and “gut” when deciding to get married
62. Marriage is a commitment with a capital C
63. Marriage is a practice of compassion, of compromise, of vulnerability, of raw honesty, of courage, all of which require one main ingredient, if not the only one, LOVE
64. Marriage is not co-dependence. It is a constant growth towards inter-dependence
65. You can with compassion and unconditional love allow each other to see the light within yourselves and let your spirit shine through
66. Arise to serve and magic happens
67. Consult honestly about the complexities of life and our service to humanity
68. Reflect on your effectiveness and arise to serve again improving, little by little, day by day
69. Continually nurture your union with service, courtesy, respect and loving kindness
70. Lasting marriage comes down to humility, humor, patience (with yourself and others), respect and forgiveness
71. It is vitally important to never go to sleep when you are upset with your spouse
72. Falling in love without losing your identity or the need to be completed by your partner will bring lasting happiness
73. The first and most important part of a lasting relationship must begin as friends
74. Change and growth go hand in hand for a healthy relationship
75. Healthy compromise is a two way street
76. Think before you speak. Once spoken, words cannot be taken back
77. When you have a disagreement, resolve it, move past it and leave it alone
78. The commitment of marriage should be respected and worked on at all times
79. Marriage is not a 50/50, but a 100/100 proposition
80. Let go of your own ego and be concerned with the unity of the relationship
81. Don’t react with fear, anger, or frustration…be loving in times of difficulties and never get into a “tit for tat!”
82. Don’t make the mistake of thinking that you can change your partner
83. “The imperfect eye beholds imperfection.” And so I have to turn my sight unto myself and realize it is me that needs “fixing,” and seeing with a fault-covering eye begins at home
84. Master speaking with “words as mild as milk”
85. When we place service at the top of our lives, a shared vision and harmony permeates our lives
86. Lots of listening and sharing time
87. Accept each other as we are, both physically and spiritually
88. Practice generosity and gratitude and a gentleness of spirit
89. Being present when you talk with each other and not being distracted by gadgets!
90. Rather than disconnecting when having an argument, use humour
91. Go on weekly dates to rekindle the relationship
92. Accept that there are things you may not agree on and that’s ok
93. When raising the children, remember to make time for each other
94. Think of something to do for your spouse each day that will bring them joy
95. Put away your computer, iPad, phone
96. Never talk negatively about each other
97. Cuddle!
98. Take a short trip together (leave the children with grandparents)
99. “Willingness” is one of the most important traits to have in order to keep your marriage growing
100. Tell your partner you love them often!